Monday, 2 August 2010

Love: Daughters

Friends, I am aware of the difficulties raising a strong, balanced independent daughter. These days. Why? There are so many pressures today. So many outside influenced. So many negative influences. Maybe these two above had it easy. Maybe they didn't. Different times, different pressures. I don't want to be an autocratic Mummy. I also don't want to be a  'Best Friend' Mummy. I want to be the Mummy. The one to set boundaries. To allow those boundaries to grow. I want to teach consequences. I want to be strong enough not to stop every mistake.  I want to teach my children to be strong. To think for themselves. Not to follow the crowd. Friends, I am sure you will agree that parenting can be tricky. Bad parenting is easy. I've seen it at my place of work. Good parenting - now that is hard. Being consistent, being fair, being supportive.... I want to have a good relationship with my daughter. She will be a teenager soon and I want to still be connected even though her friends will be more important. 

I have discovered Dannielle Miller's 'the buttefly effect' that addresses my concerns and goals. That I can develop a deep connection to my daughter throughout her teenagehood. Hooray!!! It is interesting reading, friends. A bit confronting but all together good old common sense. There is also a section of questions to ask your daughter called 'Let's Talk' so you can understand this child of yours. Very helpful. I read the book whilst on a family holiday and asked Tweenie Girl some questions on the way back in the plane. To check her self identity I asked her what she saw when she looked in the mirror. I received a nice, positive answer. Phew. So far so good. I checked her self esteem by asking her what 5 things she liked about herself. Again, a good response. Then I asked her to name a women she admired. This was to check whether she based her views on looks only or substance. You know what she said? Friends, she said that I was a person she really admired. Well, that blew me away (she hasn't read the book by the way) She said that I was strong, that I didn't always say 'yes' to everything and I always explained things to her. She said she thought I was fair and she knew she was loved!!! Go figure!! Maybe I can do the job I am setting out to do....... Friends, please tell me your thoughts, your fears, your joys.....

Ciao for now

just Martha

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