Do you? Just ponder? On life, on loves.... on missed opportunities?
No, not lamenting / hate my life / wish something had changed sort of self-speak
Just. I don't know... look back with different eyes.
And see things a little differently
For example, LJ and I (sister) lived together when I was at Uni and she was working in a bank. We had a great time together. We didn't vacuum for a whole 6 months once. Because we could. No parents around. (Actually the police did a door knock once because someone had gone missing and had walked up our road apparently so they wanted to know 'what were you doing on the night of...' sort of stuff. To tell you the truth I had an overwhelming urge to confess!! Too much TV I think. Anyhoo, the police looked around our flat with such interest and disdain at the mess that we cleaned as soon as we weren't potential suspects anymore....)
It is just that I look back and ask myself why we didn't go overseas for years, just the 2 of us. After all we had no mortgage, no dependents, no boyfriends..... Why didn't we just 'go for it?'
When I look back at photos of my kids I never remember them being so young at that time. It is like I am too busy living the life to really focus on how little they are or were. For example when Miss T went to school she seemed so grown up and ready but now I look at photos of her, she looks so little. But I remember at the time thinking she was so grown up.
Don't get me wrong, I have no regrets. But. It seems that I was so busy living life, I didn't realize how fleeting those every day moments are.
I wouldn't live my life any differently, or change any decisions I made...( except perhaps not to steal $2.20 from the girl down the road and to be hauled down by my ear to explain myself and give it back AND be punished. I always wished I hadn't done that. I think I was 7...)
Do you ponder? Maybe you are too busy. I guess I was reminded when LJ and her kiddies came and they hadn't seen each other for nearly 10 months. Life just gets in the way some times doesn't it?
The SF is coming home next week for a few days. It has been 6 weeks this time!! Eek!! Hopefully not for very much longer
Ciao for now...