Thursday, 2 September 2010

Friends... Not!

 On this journey through life I am learning to know who I am, what I want and what it is to be me. So, part of this blog's position statement is to remind myself and fellow bloggers to take a step back and a deep breath and identify ourselves.  I will write in the blog 6 days out of 7 to continue my journey into filling my life with simple abundance. So today I am looking at ......friends.

Are you a good friend? I bet you are. I bet you are kind, thoughtful, go out of your way to drop off flowers or a meal. Send cards, send 'hello' emails.... I bet you are a great friend to have. I firmly believe that some friends are in your life forever, some come and go with a lesson to be learned and some stay a while to move on eventually. Kerry Armstrong wrote a book called The Circles about this exact issue as a way of helping to identify where the people in your life sit. And where they should be. Not necessarily the same thing. Think about your friends. Think about the wonderful friends who fill that little place in your soul.  Now. Think about your 'other' friends. Most probably about 90% of your friends are heavenly. What about the 1 person in 10? Do they drain away your energy? Remember, we are trying to be kind to ourselves and put energy back in to keep our emotional health high. Do you have a friend who is angry if something good happens to you? A friend who criticizes you but says 'just kidding' as the knife is stabbed in your back? Can you think of any? When I spoke about Christine Coop the other day, she mentions that part of your everyday goals is to 'demand' respect. Me, I believe if there is too much take and not enough give, then it is not a respectful friendship.

 I have one word for you folks 'TOXIC". That person is NOT your friend. Probably never was. Do you dread telling them you bought a new car? Or that you have worked so hard at the gym that you have lost 7 kg? Who says 'well done, good on you' and which of your friend gives a snort? As the famous LJ (sister) would say....'CULL". Just like that. She would speak in capital letters. It might take a little while but go for it. The dread will lift off your shoulders and you will feel free. Even if you didn't know the dread was there. Now you can cull in a few ways: 1. Quietly slip away. No scene. No drama. Just be unavailable or 2. You can have a huge 'Your dropped' scene if you like that sort of thing. I've had the second scene, (sort of just happened...) in the park that I fondly call my 'scrag fight'.  Phew, was a bit hairy let me tell you, but I survived. And you know what? You will survive too. You probably have too little time and too many wonderful friends to waste time on the toxic ones. In the words of Nike: just do it.......Let me know how you go..... Remember, you have wonderful friends. Stop wasting time on those who require too much of your energy. Spend time on the real ones....

Ciao for now

just Martha


  1. Very good advice! I learnt long ago that I needed to move away from toxic people who left me feeling down every time I spoke to them. I am trying to teach this same message to my 13 year old daughter but it would probable be better if she heard it from someone else...I might send her your way soon.

    Best wishes,

  2. Well said Martha, My hubby & i always try to surround ourselves with positve people, lifes to short to waste it being miserable!!

  3. Martha, I thought I was following you and realised I wasnt and now I have lots of catching up to do!!
    Love this post, close to my heart. This year has been my year to cull. I have been quite ruthless, yes I feel guilty (?) but am way happier :) Now to replenish my circle with genuine friends xx

  4. Toxic -heck, the last cull was due to someone paying out if I bought their kids a fab pressie (...oh, what type of !@#$ would buy a blow up fire truck for Ben, where the !@#$ am I supposed to put that!!@$%!) - Mind you she had a big home. Maybe toxic friend should have just poppeda safety pin into the blow up fire truck for some level of enjoyment. Bue bye toxic friends, we are not your punching bag, or thereason for your own dissatisfaction - we are not the blame for you being fat/unhappy/competitive via children/reason you cannot find a career...but indeed we are the reason you will regret burning true friendship, and for that, pass me another marshmallow at the campfire... xx


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