Uh-Oh...

Apparently I had, or have, an anxiety state... Hmmm, not really sure I agreed with that at the time. Upon reflection... Yep! Totally. You see the Silver Fox was working away all week and coming home on Fridays only to leave again on Sunday night as we had a business to run still. It didn't really suit our family life but hey, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. So, this continued for a couple of years. Now, I have a personal belief that a woman needs to be employable and able to earn reasonable money (We might explore in a later post so I can get your views...) so I have always worked part time to 'keep my hand in' so to speak. I guess I spent a long time developing a career so I needed to maintain it for a time when the kiddies were older and needed me less. So, I worked part time, cared for the kiddies and saw the Silver Fox on weekends. It had some positives: house tidy (we know hubbies are messy creatures), my channels on the tv... but it also had lots of negatives. More negatives really than positives. 

So I got into the habit of cleaning, cleaning, cleaning so it would all be done by the time the Silver Fox got home so we could enjoy our time without doing the mundane chores like shopping, rubbish bins etc.... There it started. I would clean at night so 'save' myself doing it later. And if I vacuumed (kids slept through everything) I thought I should probably mop as well. If I usually changed the sheets on a Monday, I would change them on a Thursday to get ahead of my chores. I would clean cupboards, the storeroom, cook, freeze stuff for 'later'. It was nothing for me to get to bed after 2am having been doing chores. Up at 5.30, no trouble. This went on for about 2 years. I also couldn't sleep and would be plagued by nightmares. Fun huh? So, functioning during the day, doing chores at night and not really sleeping. As soon as the Silver Fox would come home, I would be asleep, catching up on a weeks worth.

I also gained about 10kg. Not from overeating or having too many wines, but from stress and the lack of sleep. And it was a naturopath that asked me about my anxiety state. Which I denied. Me? Naaah... If you know me, I am usually pretty calm, I think. But, she was quite insistent and pointed out various aspects of my life that to her were quite unusual and, well, diagnostic really...

Light bulb moment....

And other cracks were showing. The Silver Fox had developed quite a depression from being away from his family all the time a-n-d Master T thought we were divorced. And wouldn't be convinced that we were still married. So, we made some huge changes. The Silver Fox closed his business, found a job closer to home and so began the journey back to family life and security again. 

Hence the reason for this blog being to take pleasure in the everyday, to know who y-o-u are, to know yourself... It is nice to come back...




Ciao for now 

just Martha