Monday, 4 July 2011

Deep and Meaningfuls...

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Well, just to let you know Miss T's queen sized bed has come in very handy - for D & Ms (Deep and meaningful...). ( Sonia - you were right!!) She came and woke me at 4 am this morning and told me she had... 'something to tell me' and it was 'very terrible'. My heart sort of skips a beat with conversations like this. We have has them before. I d-r-e-a-d them really but am very much aware that we still have the type of relationship where she feels comfortable talking with me. I hope it lasts. I try to appear calm but can feel myself talking a deep breath and squaring my shoulders. Getting ready to face whatever it is together and to not lose my mind with anger or fear.

She had been on her computer and come across some , hmmm, shall we say.. un-savoury pictures. It was a popular site used for pictures and one I have used myself very often but had not seen this aspect.  It would appear she had a 'bit of a look' and was then woken in the wee hours with a nightmare and couldn't sleep. Sometimes I feel quite relieved that it isn't worse. So, we had a chat. I was able to snuggle in bedside her and spend some time talking and listening.

I talked about her independence, that she is spending more time away from our direct observation. We talked about that 'feeling' in her stomach about right or wrong and listening to herself. We discussed the easy availability of pornography and how it makes men superficial and women/girls doubt their inner beauty and base love on appearance and the opinion of others. I talked about the life I envisaged for her with a great job and love and happiness.

I told her the seedy side of life was everywhere but it was her choice if she had anything to do with it and we would do our best to protect her but she needed to think about the decisions she makes. And that we wished more for her from life than having this seedy side as her normal.  I also explained that she didn't have to be perfect but would need to learn from any mistakes she made. And while I only wish her to be perfect, I don't want to plant any seeds of disapproval or shame and to her not talking about things. She snuggled down to sleep and I went to my bed where I lay awake for quite a long time.


Then...

I banned her from computers for 5 days.


She agreed it was fair. She seemed relieved in a way




Ciao for now...
 

5 comments:

  1. Oh heavy, this is the serious part of parenting isn't it - not the baby stage of keeping them alive, the questions, experiences, confusion, bless her heart. I remember one day i accidentally googled NSM instead of MSN to get the weather, OMG, it was Nine Sexy Mummas or something horrific, there was a penis right there, bouncing up & down on my screen. I was 24 & gasped, i was already a mother, so hardly a prude or clueless, but i've never seen a porn movie & never planned to either thanks. I had to click so many times to get all these pop up penis's off my screen, it was insane!! Then i realised i was at work, this was on my permanent 'search engine profile' & i was wondering who i contacted to confess my mistake to.
    We speak very frankly with our children about sex & i can imagine them still being shocked if confronted by porn on their laptops. As for Grand Torino, i cried & cried, that poor girl. Also a little cheer that Clint Eastwood's dreadful family got nothing in the will, sucks to them. Sure he was surly & difficult, but he's still their father. Good luck, computer ban - is it school holidays for you, we're still at school this week, then yahoo!!
    Finally, i just love that she can talk to you too, i have the same relationship with my children & i'm so grateful. Here's to it never ending!! Love Posie

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  2. Oh good GOD, that comment took 4 hours to save, damn WordPress & Blogger, i'm in comment-leaving-hell. Love Posie

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  3. Hi there Martha. Isn't it wonderful when our children feel that they can talk to us and confide in us like that. My daughters always used to tell me all sorts of things!! You're obviously a good mum,and I'm sure she appreciates you. You certainly gave her some good advice there.

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  4. Pretty good post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you post again soon. Thanks! I really do believe, however, that it just comes down to finding your own niche.

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  5. Phew! One down , ???? to go?
    Well done my friend - I file this one away for future reference.
    I had my number #! climb into bed with me one sunday night - I love how they pour out their troubles, offload and then snuggle down feeling better. And WE lay awake for hours after!!! All part of the journey i guess. My mum says "wait until they get their licences, you'll never sleep again" - I can wait for that one!

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