Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Still Waters Run Oh So Deep...




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It started with one question. One small ripple in the pond...

And has led to a tidal wave of honesty and the revelation of despair.

This road to teenage-hood has many twists and turns

We had some issues over breaking the contract written regarding Facebook

So I asked a simple question

My question was "we know you have something to tell us so we can discuss it when you are ready"

I thought the answer was going to be something about her continuing to write on FB despite being banned which we knew she was doing

No...................................................................................


What came out of it was a 4 page letter written to us, by my darling daughter, about the depths of despair she sinks in to

The tears flowed as we gently held her discussing her feelings and coming up with a plan. A plan for us all. We reinforced that she doesn't need to be perfect, we love her and that it is okay to have a down day and told her to thank her friends who have supported her through so far. We also did the following:
  • Came up with a code word for when she is feeling sad or feeling r-e-a-l-l-y sad
  • Bought her some vitamins
  • Arranged a visit to the GP
  • Arranged some visits to a psychologist
  • Arranged hang outs with her friend
  • Booked her in to the dentist to check the state of her teeth (for potential eating disorders)

But

  • We have still banned her from FB for the time being
  • Get her to leave her phone in our room every night from 7.30
  • She still needs to do her chores

And

We talk about it. She says she feels like a burden has lifted and she doesn't have to pretend to feel happy now. She also slept 13 hours the night after she told us. She tells us if the day has been "purple" or just "violet".


So far so good


I can tell you that I and the Silver Fox were shocked to say the least. Not that she has low days but that they were so very low. Look this might be a "stage" but I feel very grateful that I asked the question.




Very grateful








Ciao for now...





 

6 comments:

  1. Oh Martha, i am so sad to hear that your poor daughter has been feeling so Low. She must have felt so relieved to have told you. I know that you will give her all the support she needs, and i hope that she will get through this and feel brighter soon.

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    Replies
    1. You are so wonderfully supportive and I appreciate your kind thoughts so much. Thanks!

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  2. Well done Martha. To say you may have dodged a bullet, from my professional stance, is an understatement! Make sure you and Foxy have a few individual / joint counselling sessions too- this is a major shock for parents. Many parents are not as fortunate to break through the crack that is still open during adolescent issues (because the little buggers clam up tight) ...I will be thinking of you all a lot and sending you "love" ....I am confident you will all come out fine and wiser xxx From my mum stance, hooley dooley! Wonderful that she talks to you, our ANgus has given us so much relief and joy when he has come to us troubled (his close friend/ son of our close friends wanted him to shop lift but offered to take the blame if they got caught (ugh) - Ango was troubled about the behaviour of the friend and how to put distance between them....of course Mr G and I know that things won't always experience joy as our three grow up....man this parenting gig is hard work!

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  3. Parenting is so hard sometimes. I am so grateful that you guys can talk, and if your daughter is like mine ... it was always just when I was about to fall asleep:). But I consider it a privilege to get out of bed and listen. Life is hard these days, and our kids need all the support we can give them. Bravo for you.

    Fondly,
    Glenda

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    Replies
    1. I was re-reading some posts and your sage advice. My kiddies do talk to me just before sleep time and even though their "I've got something to tell you" brings fear into my heart, I listen 100% and do feel very privileged to have children that will share.

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  4. I'm so glad she was able to share her feelings with you. Scary stuff. And it sounds like you are handling things well. Keep talking. I worry about teens and depression. Hoping she starts to feel better soon.

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